why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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