I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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