Buhtt sex?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
