Need sex. Gaining weight.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
