update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize