I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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