dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
