I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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