what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
