why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
