I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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