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I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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