I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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