i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
