so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
