It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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