What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just had sex on a roof
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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