loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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