After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
