I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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