addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
