One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
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I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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