Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
