Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
