I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
