And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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