You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
