saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
