I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
