That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
