She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
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So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
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I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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