ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
