I just pynch a tree in the face
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
