after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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