last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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