I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
