i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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