he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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