What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
