you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
