I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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