She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
