peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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