This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
