my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
