Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
