my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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