I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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