Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
