More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
