So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
