Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
