Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
