a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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