At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
