I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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