Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
