he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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