She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
