...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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