Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
