bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
