Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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