So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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