we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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