So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
