im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
