So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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