Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
