The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
