so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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