can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
