Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
