my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
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He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
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Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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