I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
