I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
