I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
