so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
