So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
