i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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