yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
