Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
