So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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