He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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