I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
