Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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